Things I Read That I Loved

I read some interesting things on the internet. You should too. **Inspired by Autostraddle's "Things I Read That I Love" column. Trigger warnings for serious topics in some articles, including mental health/depression, sexual violence/rape culture, and transphobia/homophobia.

"Though my grandmother worked from the time she was seven years old, our nation forbade her from registering to vote until she was deep into her thirties. She has lived under American apartheid longer than she’s been technically “free.”…
Last month, after burying her brother Rudy, Grandma bent her knees and reckoned with burying her son, her sisters, her mother, her grandmother, her father, and all four of her best friends. She asked her God to spare her the responsibility of burying any more of her children or grandchildren. A few weeks later, an irresponsible American aspiring to be the leader of our nation, who got a majority of the vote from the worst of white folks, called her a “victim” who feels entitled to health care, food, and housing.
Catherine Coleman, along with my Grandma Pudding, and David Rozier’s grandmother, have never been allowed to just be victims. They’re rarely even allowed to be Americans. They don’t get invited to panel discussions. They aren’t talked to by the DNC or RNC. No one asks them what to do about national violence, debt, or defense. They have too many scars and frightening memories to be American super-women, but they are the best of Americans. They have remained responsible, critical, imaginative and loving in the face of servitude, sexual assault, segregation, poverty, and psychological violence. They have done this hard, messy work of committing to life, organizing and justice, so we might live more responsibly tomorrow.
There is a price to pay for ducking responsibility, for clinging to the worst of us, for harboring a warped innocence. There is an even greater price to pay for ignoring, incarcerating, demeaning, and unfairly burdening those black and brown Americans who have disproportionately borne the weight of American irresponsibility for so long. Our grandmothers and great-grandmothers have paid more than their fair share, and our nation owes them and their children, and their children’s children honesty, a life time of healthy choices and second chances.
That would be responsible.”
- The Worst of White Folks

"Though my grandmother worked from the time she was seven years old, our nation forbade her from registering to vote until she was deep into her thirties. She has lived under American apartheid longer than she’s been technically “free.”…

Last month, after burying her brother Rudy, Grandma bent her knees and reckoned with burying her son, her sisters, her mother, her grandmother, her father, and all four of her best friends. She asked her God to spare her the responsibility of burying any more of her children or grandchildren. A few weeks later, an irresponsible American aspiring to be the leader of our nation, who got a majority of the vote from the worst of white folks, called her a “victim” who feels entitled to health care, food, and housing.

Catherine Coleman, along with my Grandma Pudding, and David Rozier’s grandmother, have never been allowed to just be victims. They’re rarely even allowed to be Americans. They don’t get invited to panel discussions. They aren’t talked to by the DNC or RNC. No one asks them what to do about national violence, debt, or defense. They have too many scars and frightening memories to be American super-women, but they are the best of Americans. They have remained responsible, critical, imaginative and loving in the face of servitude, sexual assault, segregation, poverty, and psychological violence. They have done this hard, messy work of committing to life, organizing and justice, so we might live more responsibly tomorrow.

There is a price to pay for ducking responsibility, for clinging to the worst of us, for harboring a warped innocence. There is an even greater price to pay for ignoring, incarcerating, demeaning, and unfairly burdening those black and brown Americans who have disproportionately borne the weight of American irresponsibility for so long. Our grandmothers and great-grandmothers have paid more than their fair share, and our nation owes them and their children, and their children’s children honesty, a life time of healthy choices and second chances.

That would be responsible.”

- The Worst of White Folks

— 11 months ago
#Things I read that I love  #TIRTIL  #Kiese Laymon  #Gawker  #the worst of white folks  #white people  #white privilege  #racism  #responsibility  #POC  #black  #Romney  #America  #United States  #apartheid  #victim 
“Alarmists fret that casual sex discourages intimacy. But in my experience, the opposite is true. When you share your bed, your toothbrush, your sexual hang-ups, and the topography of the ­cellulite on your butt with a stranger, the intimacy is real. It just happened before familiarity did. You are privy to information his family and friends are not; you know what he sounds like when he orgasms and when he snores. You may never see this person again, but he will always be your ex.  

But more often than not, you will see him again. Like “dialing” a cell phone or “filming” a digital video, “one-night stand” is an anachronism. Even if you only have sex once, you will spend time with your hookup when he finds you on Facebook, appears in a mutual friend’s Instagram, or texts about a weird bump he found on his penis. Older generations didn’t have a word for this kind of thing—they couldn’t have. But these are, in fact, relationships. Even casual dates have expansive biographies to plow through and life narratives you can follow for years. You hear about their hangovers when you check Twitter for the morning news. You see their new apartments when you browse Facebook at work. They can jump into your pants whenever they want by sending text messages that land in your pocket. Online, you watch your exes’ lives unfold parallel to yours—living, shifting digital portraits of roads not taken with partners you did not keep.


There was also a time, I am told, when staying in touch was difficult. Exes were characters from a foreclosed past, symbols from former and forgone lives. Now they are part of the permanent present.”
- All My Exes Live in Texts: Why the Social Media Generation Never Really Breaks Up

Alarmists fret that casual sex discourages intimacy. But in my experience, the opposite is true. When you share your bed, your toothbrush, your sexual hang-ups, and the topography of the ­cellulite on your butt with a stranger, the intimacy is real. It just happened before familiarity did. You are privy to information his family and friends are not; you know what he sounds like when he orgasms and when he snores. You may never see this person again, but he will always be your ex.  

But more often than not, you will see him again. Like “dialing” a cell phone or “filming” a digital video, “one-night stand” is an anachronism. Even if you only have sex once, you will spend time with your hookup when he finds you on Facebook, appears in a mutual friend’s Instagram, or texts about a weird bump he found on his penis. Older generations didn’t have a word for this kind of thing—they couldn’t have. But these are, in fact, relationships. Even casual dates have expansive biographies to plow through and life narratives you can follow for years. You hear about their hangovers when you check Twitter for the morning news. You see their new apartments when you browse Facebook at work. They can jump into your pants whenever they want by sending text messages that land in your pocket. Online, you watch your exes’ lives unfold parallel to yours—living, shifting digital portraits of roads not taken with partners you did not keep.

There was also a time, I am told, when staying in touch was difficult. Exes were characters from a foreclosed past, symbols from former and forgone lives. Now they are part of the permanent present.”

- All My Exes Live in Texts: Why the Social Media Generation Never Really Breaks Up

— 11 months ago
#things I read that I love  #TIRTIL  #nsfw  #Maureen O'Connor  #new york magazine  #NYM  #the cut  #social media  #generation  #technology  #communication  #relationships  #ex  #breakup  #texts  #snapchat  #past  #moving on  #facebook 
"I understood this of death to be not melodrama, not a cry for help, not a dramatization of loss, but: documentary. I knew every word was true. It wasn’t sad, it was fact. It wasn’t just sad. It was fifty people I knew who died, and the way they died. It was one hundred people. How do you feel when you look at a photograph of war dead, spread across a barren field or draped over charred jeeps and tanks, how do you react to that photograph when you know you’re standing to the left of the frame, just outside of the camera’s view?
So many disasters, so many public, epic catastrophes have reached us, ruined us, affected us. News of epidemic loss fills our daily lives, virtual and actual, our Twitter accounts, our Facebook newsfeeds. Nobody can talk about US history anymore without saying, “before 9/11” or “after 9/11.” Katrina, Sandy, Newtown, Trayvon Martin, Kimani Gray, a Sikh temple in Milwaukee, Aurora, Virginia Tech, Boston: we measure our lives in catastrophe. And yet there is still an unshakable aura of otherness surrounding AIDS that prevents even people newly exposed to the disease in 2013 from seeking treatment – because they are ashamed, because AIDS happens, not to us, but to them. People are ashamed to say what happened to them.
What happened to you?”
- It Starts with a Nosebleed and Ends with a Dead Guy

"I understood this of death to be not melodrama, not a cry for help, not a dramatization of loss, but: documentary. I knew every word was true. It wasn’t sad, it was fact. It wasn’t just sad. It was fifty people I knew who died, and the way they died. It was one hundred people. How do you feel when you look at a photograph of war dead, spread across a barren field or draped over charred jeeps and tanks, how do you react to that photograph when you know you’re standing to the left of the frame, just outside of the camera’s view?

So many disasters, so many public, epic catastrophes have reached us, ruined us, affected us. News of epidemic loss fills our daily lives, virtual and actual, our Twitter accounts, our Facebook newsfeeds. Nobody can talk about US history anymore without saying, “before 9/11” or “after 9/11.” Katrina, Sandy, Newtown, Trayvon Martin, Kimani Gray, a Sikh temple in Milwaukee, Aurora, Virginia Tech, Boston: we measure our lives in catastrophe. And yet there is still an unshakable aura of otherness surrounding AIDS that prevents even people newly exposed to the disease in 2013 from seeking treatment – because they are ashamed, because AIDS happens, not to us, but to them. People are ashamed to say what happened to them.

What happened to you?”

- It Starts with a Nosebleed and Ends with a Dead Guy

— 11 months ago with 1 note
#things I read that I love  #TIRTIL  #HIV  #AIDS  #HIV/AIDS  #lgbtq  #gay  #community  #death  #grief  #grieving  #tragedy  #anger  #Ed Koch  #John Weir  #Gawker 
"Illness is not a filigreed way to speak about things unpleasant and undesired, no matter how comfortable you may be with thinking of it in that way. You were not “crippled” by debts, nor “paralyzed” by fear, nor was your Thursday evening movie “lame”.  You are not “blind” to the reality of the situation, nor “deaf” to the concerns of a close friend. Youwere re-entrenching able-bodied supremacy in language though, is there a specialized insult for that, taken from the lexicon of sorrow heaped upon people who are not yourself? No, there are not more important things to think about than words, because the things that you say are the substance of your thoughts, which become the things that you do and the biases you keep close to your chest. Neither disease, nor illness, nor disability is a convenient way to transmit your point into the bodies of those who would not listen otherwise. Disease is so rarely convenient. By invoking disease you have likely hit the point in their brains that monitors pity, fear, and disgust. If you are talking to me, it is the sector that should learn to better control rage. Disease is not for you to take on and cast off and diagnose yourself anew each morning.  Disease is not for you to diagnose in the bodies of others, based on your novice opinion and ableist vision. Disease is not erased by the clever sidestep of euphemism. You cannot close your eyes and blink it away in hopes that we will die before you open them up again. You may utter the name of the disease loudly, I do not think it offensive.”
- Disease is Not a Metaphor

"Illness is not a filigreed way to speak about things unpleasant and undesired, no matter how comfortable you may be with thinking of it in that way. You were not “crippled” by debts, nor “paralyzed” by fear, nor was your Thursday evening movie “lame”.  You are not “blind” to the reality of the situation, nor “deaf” to the concerns of a close friend. Youwere re-entrenching able-bodied supremacy in language though, is there a specialized insult for that, taken from the lexicon of sorrow heaped upon people who are not yourself? No, there are not more important things to think about than words, because the things that you say are the substance of your thoughts, which become the things that you do and the biases you keep close to your chest. 

Neither disease, nor illness, nor disability is a convenient way to transmit your point into the bodies of those who would not listen otherwise. Disease is so rarely convenient. By invoking disease you have likely hit the point in their brains that monitors pity, fear, and disgust. If you are talking to me, it is the sector that should learn to better control rage. Disease is not for you to take on and cast off and diagnose yourself anew each morning.  Disease is not for you to diagnose in the bodies of others, based on your novice opinion and ableist vision. Disease is not erased by the clever sidestep of euphemism. You cannot close your eyes and blink it away in hopes that we will die before you open them up again. You may utter the name of the disease loudly, I do not think it offensive.”

- Disease is Not a Metaphor

— 11 months ago
#things I read that I love  #TIRTIL  #black girl dangerous  #Cyree Jarelle Johnson  #BGD  #disease  #metaphor  #language  #ability  #oppression  #disability  #ableism 
“These days, Memorial Day is arranged as a day “without politics”—a general patriotic celebration of all soldiers and veterans, regardless of the nature of the wars in which they participated. This is the opposite of how the day emerged, with explicitly partisan motivations, to celebrate those who fought for justice and liberation.
The concept that the population must “remember the sacrifice” of U.S. service members, without a critical reflection on the wars themselves, did not emerge by accident. It came about in the Jim Crow period as the Northern and Southern ruling classes sought to reunite the country around apolitical mourning, which required erasing the “divisive” issues of slavery and Black citizenship. These issues had been at the heart of the struggles of the Civil War and Reconstruction.
To truly honor Memorial Day means putting the politics back in. It means reviving the visions of emancipation and liberation that animated the first Decoration Days. It means celebrating those who have fought for justice, while exposing the cruel manipulation of hundreds of thousands of U.S. service members who have been sent to fight and die in wars for conquest and empire.”
- How Memorial Day Was Stripped of its African-American Roots

These days, Memorial Day is arranged as a day “without politics”—a general patriotic celebration of all soldiers and veterans, regardless of the nature of the wars in which they participated. This is the opposite of how the day emerged, with explicitly partisan motivations, to celebrate those who fought for justice and liberation.

The concept that the population must “remember the sacrifice” of U.S. service members, without a critical reflection on the wars themselves, did not emerge by accident. It came about in the Jim Crow period as the Northern and Southern ruling classes sought to reunite the country around apolitical mourning, which required erasing the “divisive” issues of slavery and Black citizenship. These issues had been at the heart of the struggles of the Civil War and Reconstruction.

To truly honor Memorial Day means putting the politics back in. It means reviving the visions of emancipation and liberation that animated the first Decoration Days. It means celebrating those who have fought for justice, while exposing the cruel manipulation of hundreds of thousands of U.S. service members who have been sent to fight and die in wars for conquest and empire.”

- How Memorial Day Was Stripped of its African-American Roots

— 1 year ago with 3 notes
#Things I read that I love  #memorial day  #civil war  #decoration day  #politics  #war  #military  #service  #honor  #united states  #usa  #holiday  #memorial  #African-American  #poc  #black  #racism  #race 
"Here is the thing, okay? Coming into a feminist conversation with, “Have you considered that sometimes women acquire free drinks at bars?” is like walking into graduate school during Philosophy finals and saying, “Have you considered that the color blue that I see may not be the color blue that you see?”
Imagine you are the guy who just walked into that Philosophy class and laid that shit down. Imagine the class full of students who have worked very hard and committed themselves and sacrificed to be here, students who have spent several years of their lives learning about this subject. Imagine now their feelings when you go to the head of the classroom with a smirk on your face and demand the professor give you an A for effort. Imagine now that they think you are a douchebag asshole, because they do, and because you are. You are a douchebag asshole because you are obviously so self-centered, arrogant, and completely ignorant of the world around you, that you thought you could walk into a high-level course with no background and no work and say something profoundly simplistic and totally unrelated and also everybody should congratulate you for having done this thing, so brave, so provocative…
This is what you do when you walk into a feminist conversation and ask whether or not we have considered that sometimes men get turned down by girls they like and that hurts their feelings.
You are not asking us a real question. You are simply illustrating, for all to see, your own ignorance. You are saying, “I have not considered the implications of the question I have just asked. I have not taken the time nor effort nor commitment to sit down and ask myself this question. Instead, I have come into your philosophy classroom/office/feminist blog and shit out my question with a smirk, because I believe that my two seconds of thought are worth more than your long-term analysis, because I believe I am worth more.””
- A Few Things to Stop Doing When You Find a Feminist Blog

"Here is the thing, okay? Coming into a feminist conversation with, “Have you considered that sometimes women acquire free drinks at bars?” is like walking into graduate school during Philosophy finals and saying, “Have you considered that the color blue that I see may not be the color blue that you see?”

Imagine you are the guy who just walked into that Philosophy class and laid that shit down. Imagine the class full of students who have worked very hard and committed themselves and sacrificed to be here, students who have spent several years of their lives learning about this subject. Imagine now their feelings when you go to the head of the classroom with a smirk on your face and demand the professor give you an A for effort. Imagine now that they think you are a douchebag asshole, because they do, and because you are. You are a douchebag asshole because you are obviously so self-centered, arrogant, and completely ignorant of the world around you, that you thought you could walk into a high-level course with no background and no work and say something profoundly simplistic and totally unrelated and also everybody should congratulate you for having done this thing, so brave, so provocative…

This is what you do when you walk into a feminist conversation and ask whether or not we have considered that sometimes men get turned down by girls they like and that hurts their feelings.

You are not asking us a real question. You are simply illustrating, for all to see, your own ignorance. You are saying, “I have not considered the implications of the question I have just asked. I have not taken the time nor effort nor commitment to sit down and ask myself this question. Instead, I have come into your philosophy classroom/office/feminist blog and shit out my question with a smirk, because I believe that my two seconds of thought are worth more than your long-term analysis, because I believe I am worth more.””

- A Few Things to Stop Doing When You Find a Feminist Blog

— 1 year ago with 7 notes
#Things I read that I love  #Fugitivus  #Harriet J  #feminism  #feminist blog  #blogging  #MRA  #mens rights activist  #men's rights  #internet  #etiquette  #idiocy  #sexism  #misogyny  #philosophy  #douchebag 
"True, taking a step back, realizing your voice doesn’t always need to be heard, and understanding that you can often learn more by listening than by blabbing is a place to begin. But we have to consider what it actually means to listen.
Listening, first of all, must be more than looking for tidbits from another person that confirm our worldview. Listening must be more than waiting to respond or hoping for “dialogue.” Listening must be more than choosing one tokenized voice that represents in our mind “all people of color” or “all women.”
Listening is the process of opening oneself up to not only another’s words but to the sum of their lived experience behind those words. Listening is bearing witness to the testimonies, stories, emotions, and experiences being shared. Listening is opening ourselves with the desire to learn and understand before we look for engagement, disagreement, or dialogue.
The reality is that in dominant culture in the United States, there are certain voices that are systematically silenced, ignored, and pushed to the margins. In turn, the very act of bearing witness to these voices is radical and transformative.”
- The Importance of Listening as a Privileged Person Fighting for Justice

"True, taking a step back, realizing your voice doesn’t always need to be heard, and understanding that you can often learn more by listening than by blabbing is a place to begin. But we have to consider what it actually means to listen.

Listening, first of all, must be more than looking for tidbits from another person that confirm our worldview. Listening must be more than waiting to respond or hoping for “dialogue.” Listening must be more than choosing one tokenized voice that represents in our mind “all people of color” or “all women.”

Listening is the process of opening oneself up to not only another’s words but to the sum of their lived experience behind those words. Listening is bearing witness to the testimonies, stories, emotions, and experiences being shared. Listening is opening ourselves with the desire to learn and understand before we look for engagement, disagreement, or dialogue.

The reality is that in dominant culture in the United States, there are certain voices that are systematically silenced, ignored, and pushed to the margins. In turn, the very act of bearing witness to these voices is radical and transformative.”

- The Importance of Listening as a Privileged Person Fighting for Justice

— 1 year ago with 3 notes
#Things I read that I love  #Everyday Feminism  #Jamie Utt  #feminism  #listening  #privilege  #justice  #social justice  #marginalization  #POC  #women  #people of color  #transformative justice  #power  #institutional power  #oppression  #silencing  #tokenizing  #bearing witness 
"There are some things you can’t understand yet. Your life will be a great and continuous unfolding. It’s good you’ve worked hard to resolve childhood issues while in your twenties, but understand that what you resolve will need to be resolved again. And again. You will come to know things that can only be known with the wisdom of age and the grace of years. Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness."
“You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.
Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”
- Tiny Beautiful Things

"There are some things you can’t understand yet. Your life will be a great and continuous unfolding. It’s good you’ve worked hard to resolve childhood issues while in your twenties, but understand that what you resolve will need to be resolved again. And again. You will come to know things that can only be known with the wisdom of age and the grace of years. Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness."

You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.

Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”

- Tiny Beautiful Things

— 1 year ago with 1 note
#things I read that I love  #Dear Sugar  #the rumpus  #advice column  #Tiny Beautiful Things  #love  #growing up  #graduation  #life  #good advice  #acceptance  #forgiveness  #wisdom  #age  #happiness 
"Bradley Manning wanted an education.  He also wanted to get away from his family and out of his small town.  Military recruiters do not spend much time in middle-class neighborhoods.  They seek out those like Bradley Manning:  poor, isolated teenagers dazzled by the slick brochures, the cool technology, the lofty rhetoric of duty and honor, and the generous promises—or who see right through the hype but know they have no other option.  The military does not discriminate solely on the basis of sexual preference.  In its recruitment it has always observed the time-honored and deeply discriminatory precept of "Rich man’s war, poor man’s fight."
This is the club that NGLTF, Lambda, and HRC would have gay people join.  Let us leave aside for the moment the question of whether the club is a defender of freedom and democracy or an imperialist killing machine.  It is in either case an institution that sends the Bradley Mannings of the world, and not the Dick Cheneys, to be killed or maimed—killing or maiming the Bradley Mannings, and not the Dick Cheneys, on the other side.  Whatever collective psychosexual hangups or perverse ideological interests have prevented it from openly accepting homosexuals (or, not so long ago, women, or African-Americans in integrated units), it is an institution whose fundamental design is to send poor people to die defending the interests of the affluent.” 
- Bradley Manning: Rich Man’s War, Poor (Gay) Man’s Fight

"Bradley Manning wanted an education.  He also wanted to get away from his family and out of his small town.  Military recruiters do not spend much time in middle-class neighborhoods.  They seek out those like Bradley Manning:  poor, isolated teenagers dazzled by the slick brochures, the cool technology, the lofty rhetoric of duty and honor, and the generous promises—or who see right through the hype but know they have no other option.  The military does not discriminate solely on the basis of sexual preference.  In its recruitment it has always observed the time-honored and deeply discriminatory precept of "Rich man’s war, poor man’s fight."

This is the club that NGLTF, Lambda, and HRC would have gay people join.  Let us leave aside for the moment the question of whether the club is a defender of freedom and democracy or an imperialist killing machine.  It is in either case an institution that sends the Bradley Mannings of the world, and not the Dick Cheneys, to be killed or maimed—killing or maiming the Bradley Mannings, and not the Dick Cheneys, on the other side.  Whatever collective psychosexual hangups or perverse ideological interests have prevented it from openly accepting homosexuals (or, not so long ago, women, or African-Americans in integrated units), it is an institution whose fundamental design is to send poor people to die defending the interests of the affluent.” 

- Bradley Manning: Rich Man’s War, Poor (Gay) Man’s Fight

— 1 year ago
#Things I read that I love  #Common Dreams  #Larry Goldsmith  #Bradley Manning  #army  #military  #wikileaks  #law  #Obama  #potus  #torture  #incarceration  #recruitment  #gay  #lgbtq  #dadt  #ngltf  #hrc  #cheney  #dick cheney  #class  #human rights  #democracy  #freedom  #anonymous 
"Given the current white hetero-normative constructions of family and how the institutions of marriage and nuclear families have been used against Black people, I do think that to support same-sex marriage is in fact, anti-Black (I also believe the institution of marriage to be historically anti-woman, and don’t support it for those reasons as well). At this point I don’t know if I am totally opposed to the institution of marriage altogether, but I do know that the campaign would have to happen on very different terms for me to support same-sex marriages. At this point, the white gay community is as much to blame as the Christian Right for the way they have constructed the campaign, including who is represented, and their appropriation of Black civil rights language.
Along with how the campaign is currently devised, I struggle with same-sex marriage because, given the level of homophobia in our society (specifically in the Black community), and racism as well, I think that even if same-sex marriage becomes legal, white people will access that privilege far more than Black people. This is especially the case with poor Black people, who regardless of sexual preference or gender, are struggling with the most critical of needs (housing, food, gainful employment), which are not at all met by same-sex marriage. Some Black people (men in particular) might not try to access same-sex marriage because they do not even identify as “gay” partly because of homophobia in the Black community, but also because of the fact that racist white queer people continue to dominate the public discourse of what “gay” is, which does not include Black people of the hip-hop generation by and large.
I do fully understand that non-heteros of all races and classes may cheer this effort for they want their love to be recognized, and may want to reap some of the practical benefits that a marriage entitlement would bring – health care (if one of you gets health care from your job in the first place) for your spouse, hospital visits without drama or scrutiny, and control over a deceased partner’s estate. But, gay marriage, in and of itself, is not a move towards real, and systemic liberation. It does not address my most critical need as a Black gay man to be able to walk down the streets of my community with my lover, spouse or trick, and not be subjected to ridicule, assault or even murder.”
- Is Gay Marriage Anti-Black?

"Given the current white hetero-normative constructions of family and how the institutions of marriage and nuclear families have been used against Black people, I do think that to support same-sex marriage is in fact, anti-Black (I also believe the institution of marriage to be historically anti-woman, and don’t support it for those reasons as well). At this point I don’t know if I am totally opposed to the institution of marriage altogether, but I do know that the campaign would have to happen on very different terms for me to support same-sex marriages. At this point, the white gay community is as much to blame as the Christian Right for the way they have constructed the campaign, including who is represented, and their appropriation of Black civil rights language.

Along with how the campaign is currently devised, I struggle with same-sex marriage because, given the level of homophobia in our society (specifically in the Black community), and racism as well, I think that even if same-sex marriage becomes legal, white people will access that privilege far more than Black people. This is especially the case with poor Black people, who regardless of sexual preference or gender, are struggling with the most critical of needs (housing, food, gainful employment), which are not at all met by same-sex marriage. Some Black people (men in particular) might not try to access same-sex marriage because they do not even identify as “gay” partly because of homophobia in the Black community, but also because of the fact that racist white queer people continue to dominate the public discourse of what “gay” is, which does not include Black people of the hip-hop generation by and large.

I do fully understand that non-heteros of all races and classes may cheer this effort for they want their love to be recognized, and may want to reap some of the practical benefits that a marriage entitlement would bring – health care (if one of you gets health care from your job in the first place) for your spouse, hospital visits without drama or scrutiny, and control over a deceased partner’s estate. But, gay marriage, in and of itself, is not a move towards real, and systemic liberation. It does not address my most critical need as a Black gay man to be able to walk down the streets of my community with my lover, spouse or trick, and not be subjected to ridicule, assault or even murder.”

Is Gay Marriage Anti-Black?

— 1 year ago
#Things I read that I love  #Kenyon Farrow  #Farrow  #gay marriage  #marriage equality  #marriage  #racism  #race  #black  #POC  #QPOC  #problematic  #homonormative  #homophobia  #civil rights  #rights